If you have minor children and have not yet selected guardians, you are not unlike many parents who put off this critically important task. Perhaps you are waiting for the perfect Guardians to present themselves, or you and your spouse/partner cannot agree on who would be an ideal candidate, or perhaps you feel there is no one you trust enough. In this case, you must remember that done is better than perfect.
A decision is better than no decision.
If you do nothing, the decision about who would raise your children (if something were to happen to you) is left up to a judge to decide. A judge who doesn’t know you or your children, and doesn’t know what’s important to your family, will essentially make the decisions about who will care for your most precious loved ones.
And the unfortunate truth is, there may not be a perfect solution for you right now. But, there is definitely a solution that’s better than your children being raised by someone you didn’t choose.
Here is an approach to selecting guardians that will help you make this important decision:
- Sit down with your spouse or parenting partner and draw up a list of all potential people you would be willing to have raise your children. Don’t judge anyone on the list or even consider whether they would be willing. Just make as long a list as you can of all the people who you and your children know, like, and trust. It is helpful if you and your parenting partner make these lists separately and compare notes after. Then, put your list(s) aside.
- Make a list of the traits you value most in others when it comes to raising your children. Things like a prior relationship with your children, education level, discipline philosophy, and parenting style. You don’t need to worry about the financial standing of the people you’re considering because it’s up to you to provide enough financial resources for your children with tools like life insurance.
- Rank the traits you’ve listed and compare them to your list of potential guardians. Put each of those potential guardians in order of preference based on whether they possess your valued traits.
- Once you have your list organized and ranked, check it against these practical considerations:
- Do your children know them? Ideally, your guardian selection will be someone your children already know and trust.
- Do they share your values? You’ll want to choose someone who will raise your children with the same values and beliefs that you would.
- How old are they? Choosing an elderly guardian could mean that your children might lose them too, while still at a tender age.
- Do they already have a family? If your choice of guardian already has children of their own, would your children blend in well with their family?
- Are they willing to take on the responsibility? Hopefully the person(s) you choose as guardian would welcome the responsibility, but not everyone does. Be sure you have a candid conversation with them before you name them as a guardian.
- Do they live close by? It’s probably not ideal to uproot your children from their local community if you can help it.
- Document your choices, legally and clearly. In our office we have a process for creating a comprehensive kids plan that covers both the long-term and temporary (emergency) term care of your children, gives instructions to your guardians and caregivers about how you’d like your children raised, and puts an ID card in your wallet stating that you have minor children at home so your children would never be left in the care of strangers.