When your children were small, you no doubt endured the challenge of keeping peace in the family. We see this same scenario play out time after time among adult siblings when a messy estate causes family rifts.
Here are 10 tips to help prevent your children from fighting over your estate…
- Talk to your children about your estate plan. It may be a difficult discussion to have, but you need to have it. If you find it too difficult, enlist the help of your estate planning attorney to go over the details of your estate plan with your children and answer their questions.
- Write your children a letter. If for what ever reason you are unable to have a face a face-to-face discussion, put it in writing with as much detail as you are comfortable. You can frame the discussion in general terms and ask for their input.
- Email your children your estate plan summary. Your estate planning attorney can provide you with a summary of your estate plan that doesn’t disclose actual dollar amounts (I recommend sitting with your attorney to discuss exactly what details you’d like to disclose). Ask your estate planning attorney to send letters to your children with the general summary.
- For complex estates, consider a mediator. If you have a complicated estate that may include valuable collections or a family business, consider engaging the services of a professional mediator who can meet with you and your children separately to identify any potential issues and then meet with you together to iron out those issues. (If you are seeking someone to provide this service, give us a call so that we can connect you to people we trust).
- Use equal treatment. If possible, leave your children an equal inheritance; most family fights result from children being treated unequally. If you must leave them different inheritances (many parents have legitimate reasons to do so), make sure you write a letter to your children explaining your decision. This letter should be kept in your estate planning binder along with your other documents.
- If you establish a trust for children, name each child as a co-trustee of their own trust after a certain age. Choose a reasonable age for when you feel a child will be able to participate in managing their own trust so they can learn about handling an inheritance with the help of the main trustee.
- Consider staggered distributions from a trust. To help a child learn how to manage a substantial inheritance, estate planning experts often advise staggered distributions over a period of time (i.e., age 25, 30, etc.).
- Provide children with option to remove or replace main trustee. Similar to arranged marriages, you never know if children and trustees will make a go of the relationship. Give children limited power to remove and replace a trustee with another qualified trustee.
- Allow children to name their own co-trustee. If your children are competent adults, give them the power to name the independent co-trustee of their trust.
- Include mediation instructions in your estate plan. Your estate planning attorney can add mediation language so that if a dispute arises, your children will not be tied up in emotionally and financially draining litigation.To ensure your estate plan doesn’t lead to a family feud, call us! We can help identify the best strategies for you to provide for and protect the financial security of your loved ones.